Injuries suck. Regardless of how big or small the injury is they just plain suck.
I have been pretty lucky my whole life - ask any of the guys I have ridden with for the past 15 odd years and the will all agree; I have (HAD - I turned 30 recently) the reflexes of a cat. While dudes were consistent and made things look good - I just hucked it.
Hucking and landing on my feet is what I was good at, I didn't have talent or steeze like the other dudes. And they hated me for it.
While they made things looks awesome they had not learnt the art of crashing; it really is an art. I mean no one WANTS to crash but when your as unco as I am its inevitable that its going to happen on the reg... and its been happening more and more.
At what point do we just shrug our shoulders and be happy with the speed and grace we carry on the bike? - I want to be faster, I want to be more railed though the berm and jump higher but some times I want to just not care.
After last weekend and breaking my big toe in the first 50m of the track (luckily not the first run of the day) in an open and flat section; was for me really embarrassing and frustrating. I knew it was amateurish and was another example of my lack of ability that I don't want my riding buddies to see.
I have spent the past week beating my self up over it - 'it was the motorbikes fault, they blew the corner out' 'i had 32psi in my tyres not 31.265 and they didn't hold to the granite the way I expected'... the excuses go on and on.
Now Friday night I am just pissed off and frustrated that I can't ride, I can't walk properly, I can't exercise - its driving me insane! I am the type of person that HAS to exercise intensely to sleep properly.
I guess I am trying to come to terms with my lack of ability, my hunger to be better, the real world life of having a physical trade and where it all balances out. We don't want to use the line 'Oh but I have to worry about work on Monday' and bitch out on that drop but sometimes you do need to consider that. I don't like to admit it but its true...
Personally I want to keep pushing myself to be faster and better, I want to keep scaring myself every time I ride - without that the ride doesn't feel complete.
It doesn't make me any better or worse than the next bloke - its just the way I feel content at night... even if it is at the cost of my dignity and reputation (well that was gone years ago!)